shatteredservice: Dia-Glow (Glow)
Dia ([personal profile] shatteredservice) wrote2012-11-09 05:23 pm

The Meaning of a Name

While I don't feel comfortable using this to connect to others until I find out exactly why it is acting as it is, I suppose I can use it for its other purpose.  I'm still not sure why writing about what has happened to me would be any more therapeutic than talking or thinking about it.  However, if there is a chance it can help me and by extension, help Set, then I have to try.

It is commonly said that the best place to start is at the beginning, but in my case that would be counterproductive.  All one has to do to find out about my beginnings is to look up the legends surrounding my lord, Fionn mac Cumhaill.  Within them is found my story.

Perhaps at this point it would be more correct to say "his" story.  "He" being the Heroic Spirit Diarmuid Ua Duibhne whose soul I am a part of.

That I should be a part of.  If he still exists.  It scares me to think that after the Shatter I may be all that remains of him.

It is not right.  I am a flawed copy.  I should not have survived him.

Many Servants changed their names after the Shatter to facilitate their movement into normal society.  It's pretty hard to expect someone to take you seriously when you introduce yourself as Cu Chulainn.  Setanta isn't much better, but at least people can pronounce Set.

I shortened my name for a different reason.  I have lived too many lives, been maimed and had my soul violated in the worst way possible.  I may still wear his face and use his skills, but I am no longer him.

It would be an insult to say I was....

...And this is not helping.  Nor is it what I meant to talk about in the first place.

Maybe I'm expecting too much from a mere internet application.

Maybe I'm expecting too much